Anne-Marie Faiola, Author at Soap Queen

Speed Skating, Sky Train & More

February 21, 2010 Filed Under: Personal Ramblings

Wow! Vancouver, B.C. is one excited and happy city. They are so energized by the Olympics that the crowds are out and about at all hours, whoopin’ it up and generally displaying their sincere delight at the world class event taking place in their city. Supposedly, this is more people than any one event has ever had but even with all the people, it’s very orderly and people are kind.

Let’s hope that trend continues for the hockey game tonight! USA versus Canada – we’ll be there in the stands, cheering for Team USA.

Yesterday was an incredible day (I’ve uploaded some of the photos to this Flickr set). Metro Vancouver did a great job with organizing the day to ensure we got the most out of every hour. First, we went to a 3 hour learning session on how to best do business in Vancouver. We learned about the tax advantages to doing business in B.C. (such as lower corporate taxes and streamlined tax reporting processes), the social advantages for doing business in Canada (all your employees have medical) and the nice business climate (stable banking system, no outlandish personal injury lawsuits). By the time the morning breakfast and learning time was over, Chris and I were both interested in learning more about opening branch offices in Vancouver. We had some one on one time with tax attorneys to talk about next steps and will be following up on those conversations in the next few weeks.

We also took a tour of Richmond (a suburb of Vancouver) and the Hudson Bay Company. We learned about Six Sigma and how it can be used to implement time and efficiency savings for warehouses. My mind was completely blown by how cool all the equipment at the distribution center of the Hudson Bay Company was. The scale and scope of what they have accomplished is incredible! I left inspired to re-look at how we do all of our warehouse operations at Bramble Berry to look for simple things we can do to improve on efficiency and simplify operations.

Then it was on to the main event – speed skating! We watched long track Men’s 1,500 metres. It was incredible – so thrilling, so energizing and so completely entrancing. The races were lightning fast and it was such a unique experience to be there when the upset, a Netherlands’s skater, took the gold.

We ended the night at the Holland Heineken House.You can imagine how excited the huge crowd was that they had just taken gold.

We rode the Sky Train back to our hotel and were asleep by midnight so we could save all of our energy for the USA-Canada Hockey game tonight! Our train leaves tomorrow at 6:40 a.m. to take us back home so don’t be surprised if you don’t get much of a blog post from me until the evening. Monday is a jam packed (in a good way!) day at work at Bramble Berry. =) Until then, happy soaping!

Soap Queen Goes to the Olympics

February 19, 2010 Filed Under: Personal Ramblings

Do you like the new header on the blog? It’s in honor of an incredible opportunity. Metro Vancouver is a group of 22 municipalities in the greater Vancouver area who have come together to attract business investment to the region. One of their programs involves bringing qualified businesses to see the best that Vancouver, BC has to offer – in this case, the Olympic games. Otion, our retail store, would be a great fit in Vancouver or any of the surrounding areas. After an application process, Metro Vancouver invited me, my husband and 18 other qualified businesses to see some of the Olympic events and learn about what Vancouver, BC has to offer the business community. My husband runs Fiberglass Structural Engineering and he’s getting a lot of great information and contacts from this experience as well.

We arrived via bus last night at 6 pm and immediately headed out to LiveCity for a reception. Many bankers, lawyers and representatives from all of the major cities in and around Vancouver, BC were there. It was an opportunity for all the visitors to learn more about the region, talk about the opportunities here and discuss how we can work together in the future. And, in a totally incredible coincidence, the 13-year-old-daughter of the Deputy Mayor for Vancouver is a soapmaker! We were able to talk soap and entrepreneurship and I’m hoping to interview her daughter for the Soap Queen blog.

A huge highlight of the reception was meeting Ruky Abdulai,an Olympic athlete representing Canada in Track ‘n’ Field (most recently the High Jump in Beijing). She is training for the Heptathlon in London 2012. Her personality was warm, funny and she told us that she trains 5 hours per day (wow!). It was an honor to meet her.

The weather in Vancouver, BC is absolutely dream like – sunny and clear. It couldn’t be a better week to visit this world-class city.

This afternoon, we had lunch at the Four Host First Nations. We also witnessed traditional aboriginal dancing from the region. The dancers told their story through song and dancing. The presentation was memorable. And, our day is only half way done! Tonight, we go to the Granville Island Urban Showcase for a tour and dinner. Tomorrow is business education about how to do business in B.C., an Olympic Showcase tour and then on to the Speed Skating (Men’s 1,500) event and finally, the Richmond Olympic Live site (and the Holland Heineken Olympic house) for the evening. We aren’t scheduled to be done until late tomorrow night so I’ll be posting photos to Twitter throughout the day and then update the blog on Sunday. Until then, happy soaping!

Soap Queen TV Presents: How to Make Rebatch Soap

February 18, 2010 Filed Under: Cold Process Soap

Ever wonder what Rebatch soap (or Triple Milled soap or French Milled soap) is? In this episode of Soap Queen TV, I show you how to make Rebatch soap. Rebatch is great if you want a soap that’s a little more natural and rustic looking soap but don’t want the hassle of dealing with Lye when making Cold Process from scratch.

Soap Queen TV: How to Make Rebatch Soap from Soap Queen on Vimeo.

Ingredients:
1 oz. Pink Grapefruit Essential Oil
1 oz. Lemon Essential Oil
2 oz. Dried Calendula (Marigold) Petals
1/2 oz. Sweet Almond Oil
1/2 oz. Annatto Seeds
4 pounds Basic Rebatch
3 Tbsp. Distilled Water

Molds used:
ELF Slim Rectangle mold
Bramble Berry’s 2 pound loaf mold
Plastic food container

Are you a blogger? Please feel free to embed this video on your blog. If you need any help just let us know! [email protected]

You, Too, Can Color with Confidence

February 17, 2010 Filed Under: Bramble Berry News

Congratulations to random number 104 and blogger known as Saponify.

You’ve just won the Color with Confidence Contest (applause).

The winning comment: Oxides, Oxides, Oxides!!!!! I love my oxides. Micas and some ultramarines and labcolors can rock my cold-process soap socks, too. I had the best coloring experience a short while ago when I was able to get a 6 color marbly-swirl going on with my oxides and labcolors. Pickmepickmepickme!!!

Wow! The six color marbly-swirl sounds amazing. Swirling cold process is not an easy task, let alone SIX swirls! Email me at info(at)brambleberry(dot)com and we’ll send you the Color with Confidence PDF Prize (retail value of $39.00). Enjoy and good luck with your swirls!

If you want your own copy of Lori’s definitive work on colorants, you can get your own copy here. Or, better yet, check out our new Color with Confidence Starter Kit– For just 49.99 you get the E-Book AND Lori Nova’s top 10 colorants to experiment with!How can you resist?Happy Coloring!

Running with Great Customer Service

February 16, 2010 Filed Under: Business Musings

My new kicks: Brooks Launch Lightweight Trainers

I read about Vibram Five Finger running shoes from Michael Hyatt. I’ll admit I’m curious. After my Chi Running course (where I learned to run with a mid-foot strike), I want to try these ‘gorilla shoes’. First, I need to break my overly-coddled-way-too-padded feet into the concept gently by downgrading to a lighter, less structured running shoe. I headed to the bricks’n’mortar storefront for RunningShoes.com on my quest. It was a surprisingly enjoyable experience. When I hit the gym last night to test my new shoes on the treadmill, I reflected on what made my experience great as opposed to adequate, good or just plain fine. I have a retail store (OtionSoap.com) and have a vested self-interest in providing ‘great’ experiences to customers too. Finding the clear differentiator between first-rate and fine isn’t always obvious.

What Went Right:

1. The store presented well. When I walked into RunningShoes.com, the store was lit well, organized and clean. It was easy to see everything. Prices were clearly marked.

2. The employee presented well. “Matt”, my RunningShoes.com specialist was friendly, knowledgeable and took delight in finding me the perfect shoe. He greeted me with an open-ended question “What can I help you find today?”. It was clear he was there to help and thrilled to do so. He watched me walk and run for a couple minutes, asked questions about my running habits and then came back with my perfect shoe. I bought the first pair he brought out (though did try some extra ones out just to be sure).

3. The transaction was efficient. I was in and out within 15 minutes. The entire experience from the greeting, the running to the trying, to the check out was well-paced. I never felt rushed but everything moved along

Cosmopolitan deemed the Vibram Five Finger shoes ‘the ugliest shoe on earth.‘

Takeaways for my retail store: 1. Re-commit to an aggressive cleaning schedule, revisit the store layout 2. Train Otion’ites to always start with open ended questions and come out from behind the counter to greet new visitors 3. Always feel delight when given the opportunity to help.

I’m curious – when you’re in a retail store, what really makes you walk away and go ‘Wow! That was genuinely a good experience“?

The Great Eyelash Experiment

February 15, 2010 Filed Under: Personal Ramblings

Dear Diary,

You already know that I’ve been longing for big beautiful eyelashes. It’s been two weeks since I started The Great Eyelash Experiment and I haven’t missed a day. I also haven’t noticed any changes thus far, but it’s probably too soon to tell. So on an impulse, I went to the store and purchased two different mascaras. They both promised me longer, thicker, fuller lashes and lucky for me, it was buy one get one half off. I couldn’t resist…$18 dollars later I came home with TWO mascaras. I immediately opened the more expensive mascara that came with the Lash Boosting serum, I knew it had to be the better of the two. Well…well…well…to my surprise, both mascara serums have the exact same ingredients. What? I paid more for the Lash Boosting Serum. Have I been duped?

Thanks for listening. More updates later on my quest for lush lashes.

xoxo
~Anne-Marie

PS – It really bugs me when big companies do things like that. I mean, what’s up with the same ingredients and one item cost me $3-4 more? I guess I should have read the back of the packaging in the store …

Rose Bath Fizzy

February 14, 2010 Filed Under: Bath Fizzies

I posted this project last year in preparation for Valentine’s Day. In case you missed it, here is a fabulous and easy idea for last minute Valentine’s Day gifts and goodies. And, Happy Valentine’s Day!!

Here’s what you’ll need:
Pyrex Glass measuring cups
Fragrance Oil or Essential Oil (optional)
Citric Acid
Baking Soda
Simple Heart Mold
Witch Hazel

Recipe
1 lb. Citric Acid
2 lbs. Baking Soda
1/4 ounce Fragrance or Essential Oil (optional)
1/2 ounce rose petals (dried or fresh)

Step 1: Measure Citric Acid and Baking Soda. Mix together thoroughly. Blend clumps fully out and add rose petals. Spritz in with hazel – just enough to dampen and wet the mixture until it holds together, like a slightly dry pie crust.

Step 2 (optional): Add Rosehip Jasmine Fragrance Oil for a great smell.

Step 3: Press into molds. Allow to air dry.

Color with Confidence Contest!

February 12, 2010 Filed Under: Bramble Berry News

Happy Friday Everyone!

Today, the Soap Queen readers have a chance to win the Color with Confidence PDF by the fabulous and talented Lori Nova from the Nova Studio. Lori is a two-time award winner (Best of Show at the Soap Guild) and three-time speaker at the Handcrafted Soapmaker’s Guild conferences. And, (eh hum) a fabulous teacher for the 2009 Soap Intensive Weekend at Otion.

Learn about the pros and cons of colors used for cold process soapmaking like Pigments (Oxides, Ultramarines), Dyes (LabColors, Soapalooza, Gel Tones), Lakes, Neons, Pop Micas, and last but not least, the Naturals (Clays, Herbs and Spices).

Retail value of $39.00! Woohoo!

Lori teaching her Coloring with Confidence class at Otion

I’ll bet you’re wondering how to win this fabulous prize, right? Just leave me a comment and tell me what your favorite colorant is to color your cold process soap with! And, if you’re a melt and pour soaper remember that you’re entering a contest to win a cold process coloring book but if you’re still interested, not to worry – just tell me what your favorite colorant blend in your melt and pour soap is!

I’ll randomly pick a winner on Wednesday the 17th!

Good luck and have a fabulous weekend!

Chocolate Lip Balms with Cocoa Powder

February 11, 2010 Filed Under: Bath & Body Tutorials, Lip Products

Recipe
1 oz. Shea Butter
1 oz. Beeswax
1 oz. Cocoa Powder
.4 oz. Castor Oil
.8 oz. Vitamin E Oil
.9 oz. Avocado Oil
25 Heart Lip Balm Containers

Buy everything you need here!

STEP ONE: Combine the Beeswax, Castor Oil, Vitamin E Oil and Avocado Oil in a heat safe container and heat in the microwave for 2 minutes. Stir the mixture halfway through to ensure even mixing.

STEP TWO: Once the beeswax is melted, stir in the Shea Butter. Heat in the microwave for 30 seconds if the Shea Butter does not melt all the way down with gentle stirring.

STEP THREE: Once the mixture is completely melted, mix in the Cocoa Powder making sure there are no clumps.

Optional Step Four: Add flavor oil (if you want to). This recipe is plenty flavorful without the flavor oil added.

STEP FIVE: Pour the chocolaty mixture into your heart shaped lip butter pots and let cool. It gives a little bit of a neutral brown tint to the lips and gives a faint smell of chocolate when applied. Don’t put calories on your hips this Valentine’s Day – put ’em on your lips!

Recipe yields about 25 lip balms and tints the lips a fabulous neutral brown.

Parabens, Cancer & Experts

February 10, 2010 Filed Under: Lotion

In the new ‘How to Make Lotions’ video released today (available for purchase at Bramble Berry), I talk about parabens and my belief that they are safe and effective for use. If you missed my moldy lotion post, click here to read and see first hand why preservatives are necessary in lotions. My friend, noted aromatherapist and business woman, Kayla Fioravanti, wrote this article on parabens and graciously allowed me to reprint it as a guest blog

There is an overwhelming amount of information that counters the war cry against Parabens, but once that bell was rung there is no silencing the ripple effect that was caused by the scare. If you did a google search on parabens you would think that they cause cancer, but there are two sides to every story. Many manufacturers removed Parabens from products in response to the fear cause by the early paraben reports. The American Cancer Society, The National Cancer Institute, and the FDA have all come out to say that there is no proof that parabens cause cancer. If you are just joining the paraben debate you can learn more about parabens here.

The American Cancer Society

“The researchers looked only for the presence of parabens in breast cancer samples. The study did not show that parabens caused or contributed to breast cancer development in these cases — it only showed that they were there. What this means is not yet clear.

Although parabens have weak estrogen-like properties, the estrogens that are made in the body are hundreds to many thousands of times stronger. So, natural estrogens (or those taken as hormone replacement) are much more likely to play a role in breast cancer development.

Parabens are widely used as preservatives in shampoo, lotions, other cosmetics, and even foods. This study did not contain any information to help find the source of the parabens found in breast tissue.
So far, studies have not shown any direct link between parabens and any health problems, including breast cancer. What has been found is that there are many other compounds in the environment that also mimic naturally produced estrogen.

The bottom line is that larger studies are needed to find out what effect, if any, parabens might have on breast cancer risk.” (Source: American Cancer Society)

The National Cancer Institute

“Some research has focused on parabens, which are preservatives used in some deodorants and antiperspirants that have been shown to mimic the activity of estrogen in the body’s cells (4). Although parabens are used in many cosmetic, food, and pharmaceutical products, according to the FDA, most major brands of deodorants and antiperspirants in the United States do not currently contain parabens. Consumers can look at the ingredient label to determine if a deodorant or antiperspirant contains parabens. Parabens are usually easy to identify by name, such as methylparaben, propylparaben, butylparaben, or benzylparaben. The National Library of Medicine’s Household Products Database also has information about the ingredients used in most major brands of deodorants and antiperspirants.

The belief that parabens build up in breast tissue was supported by a 2004 study, which found parabens in 18 of 20 samples of tissue from human breast tumors. However, this study did not prove that parabens cause breast tumors. The authors of this study did not analyze healthy breast tissue or tissues from other areas of the body and did not demonstrate that parabens are found only in cancerous breast tissue. Furthermore, this research did not identify the source of the parabens and cannot establish that the buildup of parabens is due to the use of deodorants or antiperspirants.

In 2002, the results of a study looking for a relationship between breast cancer and underarm antiperspirants/deodorants were reported (6). This study did not show any increased risk for breast cancer in women who reported using an underarm antiperspirant or deodorant. The results also showed no increased breast cancer risk for women who reported using a blade (nonelectric) razor and an underarm antiperspirant or deodorant, or for women who reported using an underarm antiperspirant or deodorant within 1 hour of shaving with a blade razor. These conclusions were based on interviews with 813 women with breast cancer and 793 women with no history of breast cancer.

Findings from a different study examining the frequency of underarm shaving and antiperspirant/deodorant use among 437 breast cancer survivors were released in 2003 (7). This study found that the age of breast cancer diagnosis was significantly earlier in women who used these products and shaved their underarms more frequently. Furthermore, women who began both of these underarm hygiene habits before 16 years of age were diagnosed with breast cancer at an earlier age than those who began these habits later. While these results suggest that underarm shaving with the use of antiperspirants/deodorants may be related to breast cancer, it does not demonstrate a conclusive link between these underarm hygiene habits and breast cancer.

In 2006, researchers examined antiperspirant use and other factors among 54 women with breast cancer and 50 women without breast cancer. The study found no association between antiperspirant use and the risk of breast cancer; however, family history and the use of oral contraceptives were associated with an increased risk of breast cancer.” (Source: National Cancer Institute)

The FDA

The FDA has a page dedicated to parabens. Some of the important information contained on that page I have quoted below.

“The Cosmetic Ingredient Review (CIR) reviewed the safety of methylparaben, propylparaben, and butylparaben in 1984 and concluded they were safe for use in cosmetic products at levels up to 25%. Typically parabens are used at levels ranging from 0.01 to 0.3%.”

“A study published in 2004 (Darbre, in the Journal of Applied Toxicology) detected parabens in breast tumors. The study also discussed this information in the context of the weak estrogen-like properties of parabens and the influence of estrogen on breast cancer. However, the study left several questions unanswered. For example, the study did not show that parabens cause cancer, or that they are harmful in any way, and the study did not look at possible paraben levels in normal tissue.”

“FDA is aware that estrogenic activity in the body is associated with certain forms of breast cancer. Although parabens can act similarly to estrogen, they have been shown to have much less estrogenic activity than the body’s naturally occurring estrogen. For example, a 1998 study (Routledge et al., in Toxicology and Applied Pharmacology) found that the most potent paraben tested in the study, butylparaben, showed from 10,000- to 100,000-fold less activity than naturally occurring estradiol (a form of estrogen). Further, parabens are used at very low levels in cosmetics. In a review of the estrogenic activity of parabens, (Golden et al., in Critical Reviews in Toxicology, 2005) the author concluded that based on maximum daily exposure estimates, it was implausible that parabens could increase the risk associated with exposure to estrogenic chemicals.”

The Industry

This powerpoint presentation by S Black Innovative Ingredients is an interesting read. In it the author says regarding the test methods, “Controls gave positive results – attributed to contamination! Basic science – if controls produce a positive result, something is WRONG! If controls were contaminated, why not the samples? The Darbre study contains too many flaws to be considered scientifically valid, and does not provide a causal link between parabens and breast cancer as some commentators have claimed”

Katherine Corkill of Sterling Minerals wrote a great blog post called Debate Over Parabens – Truth and Research that I highly recommend. In her article Katherine Corkill says, “I hope this will finally remove the undue paranoia that has run rampant throughout the internet causing us to double-check our labels and throw out a lot of otherwise great products based on unsubstantiated theory and narrow testing.”

I won’t spend too much time going over what the industry says because critics will say that the industry is tainted. Most companies have moved away from parabens but many refuse to because putting out a “paraben-free” product means that they agree with the bad science. We chose to go paraben free because our customers asked us to provide paraben free products. You asked, we listened, but knowing both sides of the story is still worthwhile.

Author Kayla Fioravanti is a Cosmetic Formulator and Registered Aromatherapist. She writes for Demascope Magazine, Les NouvellesEsthetiques & Spa’s and NAHA. In addition to that, she is passionate about small business; she went to Washington DC with a committed group of small business advocates to talk about the small micro beauty businesses.

Valentine Eye Candy

February 9, 2010 Filed Under: Personal Ramblings

Ahhh…Love is in the air. I’m off to Seattle today for business meetings and continuing education but I couldn’t leave without sharing these adorable expressions of bubbly love. Check out these super cute Valentine’s Day Soaps (all available from Etsy).

Black Metal Love Conversation Hearts by Vanessa Elise

Strawberry Tart Vegan Soap from Ohxcrap

Valentines Day Honey Rain from Terra Secrets

Sealed with A Kiss Vegan Soap by The Sugarthooth Dragon

She Drive Me Crazy Valentine Soap by So Stinking Sweet

Felted Soap for your Valentine by Bogate Designs

Sweet Heart Soap by Naked Garden

My Heart dark Chocolate Raspberry by KB Shimmer

You’ve Won a Brand…New… Soap App!

February 8, 2010 Filed Under: Bramble Berry News

Thanks to all who commented on last Tuesdays post. All of the comments were entered into a drawing to win a Free iPhone/iTouch soap application. Whoop! It was so much fun reading what was in your soap pots and for those who Tweeted, thank you! I read each and every one of them and was blown away with some of your creativity! And thanks to those who tweeted the phrase that pays, you were entered in the drawing too!

And the Winners are…

Winner #1 – Twitter Follower Shannon from SunsetSoaps

Winner #2 – Soap Queen Commenter (random number generator between 1 – 39 picks ….) #23, John Scarlett who was making a Ylang Ylang and Orange 10X Essential Oil soap

Email me atinfo(at)brambleberry(dot)com and I’ll send you the codes
(subject line: Free Soap App)Remember, you can always buy your own iPhone Soapmaking App and join in the on-the-fly-soapmaking fun anytime. As for me, I used the App last week almost every day because I made so much soap! It’s nice not to be tethered to a computer or one set recipe because I can make changes during the soapmaking process.

Book Report – Crucial Conversations

February 7, 2010 Filed Under: Business Musings

Summary of the blog in case you’re in a hurry:

1. The book ‘Crucial Conversations’ is about having great conversations when the stakes are high. Starter points for doing this:

i. Focus on controlling your body’s natural reaction; breathe deep and don’t let your body go into fight or flight

ii. Look at the ‘win win’ and ask yourself “How would I be acting if I really wanted these results?”

iii. Find the shared meaning with the other person (i.e. “We can all agree we want this to be a great place to work)

iv. Avoid simple tradeoffs that cut off conversation like either/or options. There is always an ‘And’ option

v. Always start with heart, focus on what you want and finding meaning with the other person

2. If you want to learn more, read the blog post and/or buy the book (affiliate link) at Amazon or if you’re a local Bellinghamster, Village Books.

My apologies for not writing yesterday. I had the opportunity to spend the day in Seattle with a good friend (my previous Pilates instructor who moved away to Dallas) eating cupcakes, shopping and getting manicures. It was the epitome of a ‘chick’ day and we enjoyed it to the fullest. I didn’t get home until almost midnight. I did pick up a little treat for one of the chocolate lovers on the Bramble Berry team – Deathcake from Cupcake Royale – this crazy insane cupcake like treat with something like 6 layers of cake, ganache, fudge, espresso and chocolately goodness. For myself, I had my fave – Chocolate cupcake with Salted Caramel Icing with a big glass of milk.

This year, our Mastermind Group is picking our continuing education book series in an interesting way. Each member of the group is reading a business book that they feel would be a good fit for our group. Then, we’re writing a book report and previewing the book for the group before we choose our assignment for the entire group. This ensures that, as a group, we are spending our precious time reading books that will give us value and move us ahead in our lives in a meaningful way.

Though there are many incredible books out there and I want to read them all (!!), I chose one that came out in 2002 called ‘Crucial Conversations: Tools for talking when the stakes are high’. I chose this book because having the courage to confront is one of my weak points. I want to be liked. I enjoy having great strife-free relationships. And, it’s easier not to talk about difficult issues, just ignore them and go on as if everything is hunky dory.

Only when you/I do that, the resentment, anger or frustration will pop out in some other unattractive or unhealthy way. So, I picked this book to learn some tools for dealing with touchy subjects.

The book is organized in a linear fashion – starting with what exactly a ‘crucial conversation’ is. A crucial conversation is any conversation where opinions vary, stakes are high and emotions run strong. It could be at work, it could with a spouse or it could be with a neighbor. We can handle these conversations in one of three ways: handle them poorly, avoid them or deal with them and handle them well. For most people, handling difficult conversations with poise and grace doesn’t come naturally. Humans aren’t wired for excellent communication. Emotions come in the way and we’re stuck with the way our body processes stress. Our body doesn’t work in a way that lends itself to sticking around, thinking calmly and rationally and working through issues. Our bodies are wired to produce hormones for fighting or to take flight – neither of which are particularly helpful.

The book then goes on to explain why misunderstandings occur. We all view things through a filter of where we grew up, how our parents taught us, how our schooling went and any other experiences we’ve lived through. It’s important when you’re having a ‘crucial conversation’ to recognize this and start to look for shared meaning with the other person. Focus on what you really want, ask yourself ‘How would I behave if I really wanted these results?’ and start to take charge of your body to calm those fight or flight instincts.

One way we all can fight dirty is by choosing the ‘Sucker’s Choice’ – only giving an either/or option and pretending you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. “I don’t want to be the one that tells you but everyone is thinking you’re a jerk” There is always an ‘And’ in every choice and conversation and pretending you’re stuck with two bad options will not produce a win-win.

After these practical strategies, the book goes into more nuanced communication skills such ‘Safety Problems.’ People that are really good at having crucial conversations can have a conversation while dual processing and watching for when the other person doesn’t feel safe in the conversation and steer the conversation back to solid ground. When people don’t feel safe, they either retreat into silence (to avoid potential problems or to deliberately withhold information) or violence (name calling, controlling, attacking behavior). When we are stressed, we all retreat to the worst of our natures. Learning not to retreat to our worst natures during stressful conversations is a skill and it can be learned. You can learn to look for safety problems and watch to make sure you and your conversation partner aren’t falling into the trap of silence or violence.

If you would like to improve your communication style and learn to address problems in all of your relationships with more grace and achieve better outcomes, head to your local library or local book store and pick up a copy.

Romantic Reeds Tutorial

February 4, 2010 Filed Under: Home Crafts

Reed Diffuser Basics

Ingredients
Fragrance Oil or Essential Oil
DPG (Dipropylene Glycol)
Rubbing Alcohol
Reeds
Reed Bottle

Mix 1 part fragrance and 1 part DPG. Next add rubbing Alcohol to thin it down to a watery consistency (usually less than 25% of the total blend). The amount you use will vary depending on the consistency of the fragrance or essential oil.

Fun Blends

Here are some romantic, Valentine’s Day Blends that we came up with. Give ’em a try and impress your Valentine!

1 part Vanilla Select, 1 part Sugar Plum Fairy

1 part Passion Fruit Rose, 1 part Herbal Essence

1 part Jasmine Dreams,1 part Vanilla Select

1 part Dark Rich Chocolate,1 part Moroccan Mint, 1 part Tahitian Vanilla

Get Creative!

Personalize your reed bottles with Mod Podge (a decoupage glue) for a one of a kind reed diffuser and a one of a kind gift! As you can see, I had a blast.

This is my favorite. I cut up the program from Wicked in London for a souvenir that will forever remind me of a once in a life time trip!

This black and white is bottle is super simple. I used white tissue paper with Rub-Ons, which are stickers used for scrapbooking. I love how the texture turned out. It reminds me of paper-mache!

Last but not least is a collage from my old magazine collection (I knew I saved them for a reason). I just picked out fun colors and things that I love…notice the iphone, Twitter bird and the work out girl.

Please note: The cute curly Ting Ting sticks don’t wick-up the fragrance blends like the reeds do – but they are so cute I used them as is. If you are trying to fragrance a large room try mixing in some reed diffusers with the curly Ting Tings.