Thanks to Seth Godin for posting the link to this hilarious exchange between Amazon.com Customer Service and a faux-disgruntled customer. It certainly puts my Dad’s exchange with Cinnabon in a less favorable light. Click here to read the very cheeky and smart email from Amazon.com’s Executive Customer Relations Team. It’s entertaining and slightly heart-warming to see such a spunky ray of personality from a massive behemoth like Amazon.

Recently, my Father sent a note to the Cinnabon corporation. If you read the note and understand that it is tongue-in-cheek, congratulations! You can safely assume that you are NOT a Robot. Sadly, the same cannot be said for the Cinnabon customer service ‘bot machine.

My Dad’s missive, sent to the general Customer Service email, on their web site is below:

The only saving grace of being drug shopping was knowing that I could sneak away for a pecan-laden cinnabon. If I am going to line my coronary arteries, it must be worth it. I was very disappointed that you no longer make a true pecan roll, but instead sprinkle crispy, candied nut fragments (and squirt more frosting) over the top of the standard bun. That is NOT the same as fresh pecans, baked with the roll. You have probably managed to break my secret addiction by this change. I suppose my heart and waist should thank you, but my salivary glands and tongue may never forgive you.

He got this in response:

Dear Dr. Faiola:

Thank you for contacting the Cinnabon Guest Response Line. We appreciate our guests taking the time to inform us about their experiences.

We genuinely apologize for the disappointment your visit caused and appreciate your taking the time to write us. Your feedback helps us improve in our mission to deliver the ultimate Cinnabon guest experience.

If you have any other concerns or comments, please do not hesitate to share them with us or with the management at your local Cinnabon Bakery. Additionally, we will forward your comments to our Management Team for their review and consideration. We are committed to earning your loyalty.

Thank you, Dr. Faiola, for sharing your comments. We apologize again and look forward to serving you in the future.

Sincerely,

Jan
Cinnabon Guest Response Line

P.S. Please retain your Thread ID in the message body. This will help us locate your information should you need us again.

I do happen to have one teensy suggestion. Maybe, if they genuinely want to “deliver the ultimate Cinnabonguest experience,” they should consider investing in real people to answer emails.

I recently emailed the Membership Chair for more information about prestigious women’s entrepreneur organization. I’m interested in expanding my support team, getting some new mentors to help me be a better leader and also, share experiences about growing a business in a shaky economic climate. The group seemed like it might be a good fit.

The membership fee is high – over $5000 per year – so I emailed the email listed on the site to start a dialogue about benefits. For that kind of money, I need to know I would gain that much in return – extra knowledge, experiences, mentorship and networking.

I emailed two months ago and never heard back. I just emailed again this week and got this in return.

I apologize for this automatic reply to your email.

To control spam, I now allow incoming messages only from senders I have approved beforehand.

If you would like to be added to my list of approved senders, please fill out the short request form (see link below). Once I approve you, I will receive your original message in my inbox. You do not need to resend your message. I apologize for this one-time inconvenience.

1. Why am I chasing them to give them my money?

2. I wonder how many potential members actually go fill out the spam form? How many potential members are they losing there?

For an organization that costs $5000 per year, I’d expect a timely response to my first email and also a red velvet welcome mat rolled out to entice me to join.

What am I missing? Am I being too harsh?

Get Smart. Use Bramble Berry Kits!

I just put our Soap Queen blog to the “Readability Test.” The results aren’t good. The average newspaper is written to an 8th grade level to appeal to a wide range of people. The Soap Queen blog is apparently not written for 8th graders. If it’s not easy reading, will people read it? And, if you are reading it faithfully, does it mean that you’re a genius? Or that I’m a genius?

I’m confused. But to read more about Readability Indexes, here‘s a great web site with a PDF download to discuss it.

Citibank has an aggressive rate on savings accounts – around 5.15% FDIC insured. That’s a nice premium when our local bank is running 4.00% for savings accounts (at the highest). We’ve been putting away 30% of our net profits every month into this Citibank account so that we can pay our tax bill when it comes due and pay those quarterly estimates as well. June 15th is a quarterly estimate day.

I went to my online Citibank account to transfer the funds to pay my quarterly tax payment today. Much to my surprise, there was an error message. I called Citibank. After a long wait, I was told that whoops, my account was frozen and whoops, I couldn’t access the money for 5 to 7 days. The reason the monies are being held hostage is so asinine and stupid that it’s not worth wasting time to explain.

This account doesn’t just have $30 in it. It’s a large sum of money that belongs to the government. I need to pay the IRS today. I don’t have 5 – 7 days to wait. Despite talking to 5 people, no, Citibank can’t release the funds. They’re stuck. Unless I want to drive to Seattle to get them, Citibank will have my money for a week while I scramble to get my quarterly payments paid and funded today.

That’s not the customer service I want, expect and pay for from Citibank. I would close my account in a huff to show them exactly how I feel. But, they’ve bought themselves some time by freezing my account – five to seven days to have my money as a customer for just a little while longer.